Updated: Jun 5
Edit: I wrote this article prior to some interesting personal developments in my life. I try not to go into the happenings of my day to day, simply out of respect that Life is unfolding for each of us in new and dynamic ways.
I, Colby, am entering into a new chapter of my Life. One of assured confidence, one of intentional boundaries and clear definitions of what I will and will not accept within my experience.
Presently, I find my self moving between embodying this energy and power and returning to the inner-dialogue that has permitted me to sell my own power. I did not realize that I had attached to my old patterns -- the patterns and need to assume responsibility for everything that anyone around me feels. People pleasing. I am shedding my attachment to this and it is raw.
It takes a lot of Love to move us to Grief. That is why Grief is the demon of the Heart Chakra. I trust my raw, uncensored Self -- because Love and Light is earned in facing our darkness. And the lens in which we read the words of others is our lens alone.
If we trust our Heart, keep our intentions pure, and our Truth causes others to back-up...if simply showing up as our Self in the name of Self-Realization causes another to back-up. It is not up to us to pursue them. To cling to them. To attach to them. To be observe non-attachment is to let Truth (Satya) flow without taking the moment personally. To cling and create a false space is to create attachment. To create illusion.
I am not sorry for whatever shadows I cause you to face in my honesty. I am not sorry, because I know that my Heart is what drives me. I am here in service of the Awakening. We are all mirrors, only.
This too shall pass.
It is a game.
And the old paradigm had us believing that you compete when you play a game.
But just look at that... "compete when you play a game".
"Compete" is the add on. First you must "play" the game in order to "compete". The competition is optional. But you must play.
The idea is that "Maya" is translated to "illusion" or "play". It's a tough thing to translate words though, because truly, the word in its essence is caught somewhere between illusion and play. Often, especially in a dead language, there's really so much lost to the shadows of the in-between. The veil of time.
Even from Spanish to English there is this...cultural understanding of a word that somehow is not translated entirely in all moments.
"We are perfect as we are, and we are always improving", my teacher from Canmore Counselling, Henry, said this.
Now, is perfect, and We as a collective are always improving.
What is consciousness? Stop for a moment. What is consciousness?
We are so attached to these experiences, what is this set of eyes thinking of me? What is that set of eyes implying? Are those eyes trustworthy?
Our reflections of our self. Because that's the hard and scary thing -- what is consciousness? That's the liberating thing, we just don't know. There are these Mysteries that lie on the outside our knowledge, in every discipline of thinking, The Mystery's drive the brightest of Our Self in the sciences and in the philosophies. And so knowledge builds and grows over time, we pass along breakthroughs and advancements and think ourselves into new realities. The wheel, the wagon, the car, the airplane, flying cars and so on. We are exponentially adding on to ancient ideas.
What we believe and build upon, is truly as infinite as all things...it simply requires that We Collectively move in a direction. This is why I carry the torch of Yoga. Of Union. Bliss Consciousness.
And this is why I am interested in Competition as a thing that we have attached to. I've been speaking with different women I work with for the past five days about the roots of how and when we feel insecurities, non-supportive/non-supported, better than / less than.
I have come to terms with what I require in a team, and it is not competition amongst us, it is not even competition between my "team" and what would be perceived as competitors. Abundance mindset does not depend upon competition -- there is a enough for all, always.
It all roots back to attachment to the experience...but we must feel it to heal it, no? When we get curious, have hard conversations with a commitment to Radical Honesty, we are transmuting the experience into the evolution of the Collective psyche. To show up as a witness to the genuine attachments (however big or small) that another and the self holds, is to let Love witness the Dark. This is where Light is born, I believe. When we can show up, take nothing personally, and simply witness one another.
I've watched what witnessing one another can do at the retreats.
So, this wasn't the point, I'm here writing about Aparingraha, non-attachment.
What is Aparingraha? It is a Yama in the eight limbs, in Ashtanga the eight limbed path, a component of Raja Yoga.
A set of observances to play with. To play out the Play of Life...points of focus to busy Our mind that are passed along as understandings to assist in arriving at Peace...Bliss. Presence. God. Points of focus to allow us to evolve our lives beyond the issues of the day to day. Aparingraha is one of the components necessary within the science of Union.
I believe Aparingraha to be one of the most potent of teachers. It is in this over identification with self (over identification with <your name>) that we really experience most of our "complications". It is in attachment to "I" that we find offence, that we find embarrassment, defensiveness, fear, anger -- this is the illusion. Maya.
And it is the illusion that separates us from Union with Bliss.
This is why I'm here...it is not to spread Love and Light. I mean...yes, that exists too...but if you want to reach it, we have to face every shadow and every piece of darkness within ourselves.
Aparingraha to me, is closely related with the fifth chakra trauma that so many women seem to resonate with and be working to free. Non-attachment is so fundamental for fifth chakra harmony (of course, the heart, Anahata, is necessary for a healthy flow of energy out of Vishudhhi -- but...that'll be another post later down the line.). Vishuddhi, the throat chakra, requires us to be unattached to the outcome of Truth.
Right...so, what to do?
When you feel something, notice a flag, have a discomfort that just isn't sitting right -- all we can really do is ask.
To some, this will make me "too callous" when they describe me. Others have told me that they feel attacked when I approach them with my questions or words surrounding a discomfort. And I am happy to inspect this...in which ways am I projecting and at fault here? Certainly, there's always space to grow.
But here's the thing, and Lauren said it the other day while her and I were talking about competitiveness and Radical Honesty, "That which is True cannot be threatened".
If you know yourself to Truly be approaching Life from the space of curious learner...
If you know your heart to be in service towards Self-Realization...
That which must back up from you is not to be clung after.
That is a vibrational dissonance. Anything that is uncomfortable being seen in the Light of Truth will back up, and that is okay. There is no "right" and "wrong", there is only all of these unique paths. We cannot share our journey with everyone.
We can only temper our heart, mind and soul in Love. We cannot control the narrative that someone places upon us when we do not behave *just so*.
It doesn't mean that it's like *snip snip* buh-bye Felicia. Lol. We're all on a journey -- and those who are truly seeking Samadhi, will reveal themselves over and over again.
I'm much more Loyal than that. You can back up, and still, Love and Blessings will be sent in your direction from this one. Truly, there is no "right" and "wrong". No "winner" or "loser". There is simply showing up with full presence and a willingness to learn.
My space is reserved for those who are willing to remove the concept of "I" and dive deeply into the layers of what it means to be a bridge between consciousness and matter. This will not feel good for those who get close. It will feel warm like a thousand suns and it will also burn you as such from time to time.
I did not mean to become a keeper of Kundalini. Just as Lauren did not mean to become a Labyrinth keeper...
But here we are. Welcoming in what is meant to die and transmute.
The retreats are not for the faint of heart. And you will have to address pieces of the mask that have made sense to hold onto up until now. Stories that you have become attached to.