Updated: Sep 7, 2021
Hmm, okay. The end of this post winds up talking about our little cabin and the Feminine and Masculine.
Satya. The first of the Yamas and Niyamas series of posts that I will be writing. I've said I would do a series before, and I had nothing to hold me accountable but my own conviction...and without a community, "a village" as Dr. Jody Carrington says...without a village or community my conviction crumbled. I had...we all always have...a relationship to distrusting ourselves.
A cool woman I acknowledge as teacher, Sarah (@blissmother) explained today about how every time we complete something we say we'll do we are "building trust with ourselves". We are building a relationship to trusting ourselves as opposed to distrusting ourselves.
I kind of see it like me as the starting point. And at all times each decision is laying the tracks of a railway line in a certain direction out from me...except I have a particular amount of focus and Self resources. So eventually I am having to take materials from the path of distrust and repurposing those materials for another track. For example trust.
Does that make sense? Like...that's the path we're paving. And no matter what, we can always begin to pave a new way. Slowly sometimes. Deliberately almost always.
On Sunday I was a guest on Dr. Jody's Sunday night interview series. I'll post a link. I forget exactly what she asked me to be honest, but I remember there being a point where I was speaking to our True Essence. The way that the deer is in its True Essence because it is simply being.
A baby is in its True Essence. A baby is simply being.
And then we are not. We are logging information...and the deer is logging information too, honestly, the deer is logging much more relevant information than we humans are -- things that are genuinely relevant to its survival (i.e food location, safe areas free of predator activity).
We begin logging so many things. I believe language has most to do with the differences.
It's only ever language that pulls a mind from stillness when in meditation (dhyāna).
We could listen to sounds all day long, but it is only language and all the ways it is attached to itself that seems to pull us from the stream of True Essence that the deer seems to perpetually remain in.
Sounds do signal things to...but I doubt that the deer is wondering what the fuck Becky meant when she said etc. etc...hahaha, or who knows?
Maybe the deers existence is total angst. Trapped in existential crisis of complex social scenarios but bound to a purpose to fulfill within the ecosystem that they take as a devoted oath...hahaha, who knows.
Yikes, I digress.
I understand the Yamas in non-words.
Satya is Non-Lying.
As in, the reason for using the word "non"that is put forward by Collins English Dictionary.
"Non- is used in front of nouns to form nouns which refer to people who do not belong to a particular group or category"
This is Satya as my muse.
Tori will writing Instagram posts every two weeks on the Yamas and Niyamas, and I will write a blog post. It just so happens we have enough weeks working together for this first contract to actually do this.
Such a fluke. I <3 u, Universe/God/The Mystery.
Why is Satya called "Non-Lying"
I feel like the best way I'd describe that it is because Truth is a True Essence. Much like the deer who is in its True Essence by simply being, the deer (as far as we know) exists without a pull towards lying.
Our True Essence, exists without deceit. Therefore, it's been put forward (long before me) that it is not simply Truthfulness, because Truthfulness holds a polarity in Deception.
The middle path, as I understand it, is True Essence. This is where we are without polarity. Sushumna -- the path of Kundalini.
Oh the common threads of symbols, the globe over and up and down! Lol.
Watch for them, though. I'm sure if you're here you do, actually watch for them, I bet something whispers to you. Calls to you. Honestly, maybe even has crystallized itself into something that feels supported. I'm sure that if you've read this far we are probably already friends in some lifetime.
Okay...where was I going with this?
The Yamas and Niyamas, our True Essence.
I've heard them referred to as moral restraints also. And...I suppose in ways they are moral restraints...or like...they are good launching points for introducing moral restraints into our lives...hm...yes.
They are moral restraints, as well, because in their principle, this is where we find guidance through the ages of wisdom to begin our inner-work. The practice of bringing yoga off of the mat.
I'm not saying anything remarkably profound here.
There are many who have walked this path before me, and there will always be those who walk this path after me.
I mean...assuming the deer isn't caught in perpetual social anguish but bound to their sacred oath of Life...honestly, the deer are likely walking the path of true presence.
And that's what this is, a pursuit of Presence.
For what? Oof.
My goodness. Heaven knows for what purpose it all is. I believe this is the Mystery that drives scientific pursuit and also the one who is called Creator, Yaweh, God, Allah and so on.
But the Yamas and Niyamas are first True Essence. The absence of polarity. Then the True Essence is hidden, it picks up shame and guilt and hurts along the way. We do not skip. We do not roll around and feel the ground when we wish it. We hide the truth for fear of being left alone again.
We learn to step out of True Essence via our experiences. Via our traumas. It when we realize this that we must view the Yamas and Niyamas as our points of focus if we want to return to True Essence.
It is when we realize that we are out of True Essence, peace, emotional homeostasis, that we are offered a clue that we could engage with the Yamas and Niyamas as our intentionally observed moral restraints.
Satya: truth of word, truth of thought, truth of action, truth of being.
We do not need repent like the Catholic Church engrained into our way of being. Repenting, the flooding of truths, paves the path away from True Essence in overindulgence and attachment to the external absolving of guilt. No, no. Repenting isn't necessary. It's more like...each little choice from here on out counts. Always. Always from right...."now".
When we act out accordance with what we think we have created polarity.
When we speak out of accordance of what we act we have create polarity.
When we think out of accordance of what we are truly thinking, then too, we have created polarity.
We're no good when we hold back. Omission is deceit too. Not always "evil" energy in nature like a deliberate lie, but more like when we censor our wording. When we mean to say one thing to our partner but we bite our tongue. We are withholding the flow of truth, and so, we pave the path away from True Essence. We lay tracks down on the path of dishonesty.
In each "now" we can strive for non-lying until it just becomes so!
And dangit, if the deer can act in accordance always to its True Essence, if the deer can exist in truth of action to thought and thought to sound, then well...I certainly try to learn a thing or two from that deer.
And darnit, lol, if the deer can exist trapped in its unspeakable social dread and remain committed to its sacred vow to uphold its role in purity then I can too!
Hahaha, I'm just kidding. I do not believe the deer exists in dread. We would see way more compulsion and strange fluctuations in their states of being.
But I do know this for certain. I know that if we feel that we have paved our roads down the path of deception in body, talk or thought for too long, if we feel we are trapped there; Honestly expressing ourselves, through writing, through meditation, through dialogue...there is a remarkable amount of redesign that goes on within us. We can always choose again...right Now. We can always become who we want to be.
Let your True Essence flow. Let the darkness move. Let the hard stuff surface. You've spent so long learning to hide it. You've spent so long learning to protect your True Essence.
We will always have to risk ourselves for Freedom. Be it personal, spiritual, political or societal Freedom. We always have to make a part of our experience vulnerable to our identity to self, or vulnerability to our community. They might not accept us, after all, if we grow and change. We can even have to make ourselves vulnerable to whatever it is that is "the worst" that could happen. We embrace fear not to squash it. Just to love it, learn from it and see where we go on the other side. And then we do it again.
Our vulnerability will set us free. One little "Now" at a time.
I've written an Instagram post that I'll probably post in a couple of days.
The little cabin is a funny thing. It's cute. It is small and the floor is crooked and shifting. When we first moved in the bathroom door swung freely, now with the thaw of the earth the floor heaves in the spaces of earth that are not so filled with water amongst the soil.
The thermostat (there is a wood stove, but there is a thermostat as well), it ticks in this rhythm that sounds like drums being beaten. The first night it sounded like a distant fire was burning within earshot. As if I could hear some long ago moment.
I don't believe to recall a past life. No more than my mind offers sites and sounds. I don't really have a want to attach to a story...some kind of exist now...but for a long time I feel like there were none.
The little images and ideas that my mind presented of past lives have really led me down paths though. Little threads towards big pieces of old information.
The last time I was in a little space, in a little community, was right after it all first started really happening. Before that, I was uncomfortable to even say "spiritual"...that feels so far away. But I know it was there.
I've learned a lot about who I am as a Woman since then.
I'm not the same girl that lived in that tent.
Lee is the most challenging dude. He is also my man. I adore who he is, who he shows up as when he shows up. He and I could not be more different. Well, that's not true. We could be a lot more different. But we are complimentary in who and how we are. He grounds me. He can weather my Feminine expression.
That's right...sometimes I am a lot to deal with. Hahaha, sometimes it's just one time too many that we've butted heads on a creative aspect with the work we do. And then, I'm in it. He can handle me in it...that's important. I feel like becoming blind to the ways he shows he cares is something that is so easy to do.
I feel like Lee is moving through this transition.
He's my man. He shows me the expression of the Masculine. Lol...but it's not like I sit there and watch him like an alien thinking these things...I'm only really articulating it onto paper now.
He is tired. He is hurt.
He is resting. He is healing.
And I see him in it. I know patience. I understand that He and We do not grow if I refuse to allow him to show me Love in the ways that he does.
His music choice tonight and hopeful I would appreciate the choice is Classical Indian music played on a violin with a flute. A golden ratio and two butterflies on the image. Gratitude. Like really closing my eyes, breathing in and letting myself feel this for a moment.
And so just so we're all on the same page, this a dude who hunts, eats meat, likes to drink and likes to listen to country music.
I love him.
So we find each other where we need and want one another.
Respect for the Feminine is Respect for the Masculine.
Respect for the Masculine must be Respect for the Feminine.
Oh yea, I was like I should mention the June stuff. Kids Club and also an online retreat style thing. It's a support group space and good habit builder intensive.
Anyways, here's the links.